Girls sitting in the brown chair, watching Blues Clues. Singing along.."We just got a letter..." I close my eyes and just listen to those two innocent, sweet voices singing loud and out of tune. The most beautiful sound I could imagine. I'm fighting back tears right now. Even in the midst of our normalcy there is a stark reality that Lucy is still very sick. You wouldn't know by looking at her right now. But its always there. That nagging truth that life will never be the same for her or us. But right now I choose to enjoy the happy times we are having. Even at St. Jude I find myself saying "thank you" all day long.
Just as broken as I felt when Lucy was so sick after her surgery and this past month, I feel as equally fulfilled and content at the moment. I have been giving a Grace that only God could give. My spirit is full. I feel as if my eyes have been opened and my heart, too. Open to seeing life in a new way. Open to enjoying the simple pleasures life has to offer. The sunshine, a rainy day, the sound of thunder, the sound of Jack breathing. Just little things you may never stop to say thank you for. As I've said, I'll never be the same again.
This old hymn keeps coming to mind. Grace, grace, God's grace, grace that will pardon and cleanse within; grace, grace, God's grace, grace that is greater than all our sin.
I'm not really sure why, but when I think about grace I think of this song. I also love the Todd Agnew song Grace Like Rain. http://youtu.be/zcGJb-mPMmg
I was talking with a young mother today who's daugther will finish up radiation this Friday. They are throwing a huge party for her and it will be well deserved. She has been blessed to be housed by Habitat for Hope. She made a comment that really stuck with me. She told me that if she had to do a billboard for Habitat she would only be able to say "God's grace made human." It is so true and I can totally relate. And boy did I appreciate talking with a fellow believer who is able to lift her head above her despair and realize that through all of this there are blessings to be counted. It was quite encouraging. She said "who am I, who is my family, to deserve such blessings. We are just a regular family going through a tough time." It's how I feel about the outpouring of love and support we have been shown as a family. I mean, seriously. Why us? Why do we deserve it?
And the answer is that none of us deserve it. We have done nothing, nor will we ever do anything, worthy of God's grace. That's why its called grace. Defined, grace is "unmerited Divine assistance given to humans;" or "special favor from God." My favorite is "a temporary exemption." Think about it. On a daily basis our sin should demand nothing less than hell. But yet God chooses to allow grace to provide such pardon that we can enjoy this earthly life and eventually have eternal life. I feel rather unworthy and very humbled when I stop to think about it.
So as I stop and enjoy the good days we have with Lucy, Ella and Jack I am constantly reminded that they are only a gift, courtesy of God's grace. Like yesterday, for example, as we paraded through the neighborhood soaking up the sun and breathing in the fresh air. I was reminded that in the good times and in the bad times, God is there. He is holding my hand. Walking for me when I can't walk and allowing me to run when I can.