(the sunset at my parents house last night)
So, a big thank you to all of you for offering dentists, advice and prayer. Thankfully a great friend and dentist in town met me first thing this morning. We both still had our pajamas on and neither of us cared. I was in and out of there in less than 10 minutes. It gave me a great excuse to get out of the house for a Sonic run. Thanks Dr. Ganier!
Before I update on Saturday, I need to give a quick update on Lucy's last two days of treatment. Thursday was a fun day for her. Fun in that Mrs. Amanda joined us for the day. What a treat for both of us. Since my mom is filling in for Erik's parents while they have been gone and in an effort to give her a break a few days a week, I have been filling in my days with different friends who have been able to take off work or who are stay at home moms. It's a lot to ask, but each one has been more than willing to do it. This is Amanda and Lucy while I was in my meeting with the psychologist. Apparently Mrs. Amanda missed the memo that we have way too many stuffed animals and took Lucy to the gift shop.
Lucy also had a battery of fine/gross motor skill testing done and scored way above average of them all. I knew she was smart, but it's so cool to actually prove it!
Friday was a totally different story. I have no idea how it happened (ok, I do know how...it was totally a God thing), but Lucy had radiation at 8:00 am and nothing else for the whole day. We had to be there at 7:15am for sedation so I was up early. The minute I woke up I knew something was wrong. I felt so sick, but not in the stomach virus type of sick. I was very nauseated, but it seemed to be coming somewhere deep within. I know it sounds crazy, but I could hear something whispering "you are just worn out. You are tired." And that is what is was. It would have been the perfect day for Erik to take Lucy on his own, but Friday was donuts for dad at Ella's school and she would have been devastated if he missed it. So, thankfully my friend Amber was riding with me and she drove Lucy and I home and we both slept in the back seat. I arranged for Erik and my mom and Amber to help with the kids and I went to sleep. FOR A LONG TIME. I think I slept close to 24 hours. I did have to wake up to help change Lucy's line dressing and prepare her TPN, but other than that I shut myself away and slept. And boy was it wonderful!
I am so grateful for the short day Lucy had scheduled. God knew that I needed the rest. Adrenaline had finally stopped running my body and I couldn't go any more. Isn't it amazing how our bodies respond in times of crisis. I think I literally went on about 4 hours of sleep a night for more than a month. Who does that? It's not even in the realm of normal. I'm so grateful to have a reprieve from that period in our life.
I wanted to show all the pictures and stories from our fishing adventure from Saturday but in an effort to NOT get run down again, I am going to shut my computer off and go to bed. Jack is still not sleeping through the night, so extended sleep for mommy is still limited. I can't wait to share all the fun things from Saturday. I will post tomorrow while Lucy is in radiation.
I have two big prayer requests for the night for those of you who are willing to pray. First, Lucy is really struggling with vomitting. It seems as if every time she actually tries to eat, it all comes up within the hour. She is a trooper and just keeps on going after she does, but at times it seems as if her toe nails are going to come up. Secondly, Ella is having quite a hard time emotionally. Tonight I sat with her in bed and she poured her little heart out to me. It took her so long to reach her breaking point but today was it I guess. We cried together, laughed together, but mainly I just let her talk. I hate what this is doing to her little mind and heart. She just misses me and our old life. She told me she was scared every day that after school I would not be coming home. It breaks my heart to even write those words. She said I got home too late in the afternoons and that she missed me taking her to school. She summed it up by saying that "Lucy had just been sick for too long."
Once again, I rack my brain trying to make sense out of this whole stupid deal. It's awful. Even before Ella confided in me today, I spent a lot of time in tears myself. A LOT. Some days are good and some days are just bad. Even though we had a great weekend and I enjoyed our bit of normalcy, there is still a nagging reminder that its really not normal. Nothing about it is. We have a child with cancer. There's nothing normal about that. I never, ever want to get to the point where cancer is normal. I know people who are there and I plead and beg that God does not allow that to happen to us. I'm still waiting to wake up from the horrible nightmare. I'm still waiting.
Oh, Lord Jesus, I pray that you will heal Lucy of her cancer. Please protect her brain from the nasty side effects of radiation. Send her body into complete and total remission, never allowing the cancer to return. I pray for a miraculous healing of epic proporations. In your word you tell us that if we knock the door will be open, if we ask we shall receive, if two or more are agreed upon anything....Lord God hear our prayers. Hear our pleadings. Erik and I are just two parents who love our children and want nothing more than to have our family back together again. Please God, don't make this our life. Let Lucy be one of the success stories. We've got way too much love to give our kids and we need a lifetime to show them.
My heart hurts right now. I am going to bed.