This past weekend, we took a family trip to the Smoky Mountains. Our friends, the Williams, went with us and we spent 2.5 days and 3 nights surrounded by the beauty of God's creation. Our days were spent splashing in the streams, catching crawdads and floating down the currents. We slept late each morning and just enjoyed not having to be anywhere with no time schedules to follow. It was bliss. We rented a cabin and the kids had free range to play where they wanted.
As we were making the 6 hour drive, Erik and I had a discussion about the God of our universe. I told him that I had this reccuring thought that I just couldn't shake. "If my God is powerful enough to create this world and all the wonderful things in it (mountains, lakes, flowers, fish, etc.), then surely he is powerful enough to take away Lucy's cancer." Cancer seems so small in comparison to the magnificent creation He has provided us. I don't know if I am effectively conveying what I am thinking. I guess what I am trying to say is that God is awesome. He does really, really big and wonderful things. To me, cancer seems to insignificant in His universe.
And that is what I am praying He is doing. Lucy is back for her MRI right now. Erik is resting (I'm sure his eyes are closed in constant prayers) and I am keeping myself busy by pouring my anxiety onto the keyboard. I can't help but to feel some comfort from the scans she had 2 weeks ago. But I don't think this ever gets easy. There will always be the what-ifs.
My chest is tight today as I was once again reminded of this horrible disease called cancer. Our little friend Sophia is not doing well and our sweet friend Lanie sure could use your prayers, too. Sometimes I don't know what to say to other parents. Some children are making great strides just like Lucy and some will never be cured of their cancer. I sometimes feel guilty (for lack of a better word) to know that we have so much hope. I know that we have no guarantees and Lucy still has a fight on her hands, but she is doing so well now.
I've said before that I just don't have the capacity to get wrapped up in other people's stories, but its just not the case. God has placed certain people in our path for a reason and I just can't help but to care for them. I have a short list of children I pray for every night (Ivee, Justin, Brandon, Kellan, Sophia and Haley.) But I always, always end by praying for ALL the kids at St. Jude. There is no way to know them all, but everyone here is hurting.
There is no magic bullet cure for cancer. As I've said before, it takes on so many forms and mutations that each case has to be treated on an individual basis. St. Jude hospital is a haven of hope for so many who desperately need miracles. I am more grateful today than I ever have been for the wonderful doctors, nurses, researchers and staff that make this place what it is. They are all working diligently to save my daughter's life.
For that, I am eternally grateful.
I will update tonight with the results from the MRI. We should know something by early evening.
God is in control and my hope is in Him alone.