Second Trip

Well, we are headed back to the hospital today.  This time we are going specifically to meet with the doctors to discuss a game plan for Lucy.  I prayed all night for wisdom and a clear mind.  I have to admit that my brain is a little murky right now.  While I want to fight the feeding tube with all my might, the mother in me sees it as something that I can control.  It is the first thing in 8 months that I can physically do that will make my baby better.  Does that make sense?  Cancer is cancer.  Chemo, radiation and lots of prayers are the only answer.  I can't do anything in my own power to make her cancer better. 

Eating though, and weight loss, that's a different story.  I went to bed last night with a near migraine from stress and the tears that I shed yesterday.  This is literally eating me alive.  I feel as if I am watching my baby starve to death and there is not much I can about it.  Except this stupid feeding tube.  With it, I can actually CONTROL something in our lives again. 

But is that what God wants for my baby?  I am asking for wisdom so that I can see past my own fears and trust that He knows whats best.  I am praying that God will give the doctors wisdom as well.  I am praying that the answer will be crystal clear today, with absolutely no room for doubt. 
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