It's a word that I've come to loathe. Mainly because it's a word that consumes me a lot of the times. I'd like to think that I'm making strides at becoming less anxious, but I'm afraid that would be a lie. What's worse is that I'm a total hypocrite, too.
Ella has lessons that we work on to help her with her anxiety. I tell her about Philippians 4:6 which says not to be anxious for anything. I know that Matthew 6 tells us not worry about our lives. Surely if God can take care of the birds in the sky, He can take care of us. We talk to her about Colossians 3:2 and how it tells us to set our minds on things above.
But yet, I worry. Oh, do I worry.
There are a litany of items I worry about. I'll spare you the details. What's interesting, and probably surprising, is that Lucy's cancer returning isn't one of them. I have fully accepted the fact that there is NOTHING I can do about her cancer. I could spend the rest of my life trying, but there is nothing I can do (except pray) to prevent a recurrence. So, I think I've gone into hyper-worry mode trying to make sure that everything else in my life is good, safe, whole.
This past Sunday my Dad, who is our Sunday School teacher, taught a lesson on appreciating God's treasure. As humans we have a tendency to squander our lives away. I find my life slipping away to worry. The lesson really spoke to me and was a great reminder that all those lessons we are teaching Ella, all those verses of promise from God are just that. Promises. I was told this weekend that God made over 30,000 promises in the Bible. You know how many he broke?
I'm sure not preaching to anyone. As I stated above, I live in sinful worry. However, the things I garnered from our lesson on Sunday really made an impact on me. I'm hoping that maybe one of you might gleam something from it as well. God is our provider, he IS Jehovah-Jireh. The task ahead for me is to struggle daily to live a life knowing that God cares and provides for me. He will not leave me.
Will I have the courage? This is becoming my daily prayer. The one I have to say before I can get out of bed in the morning. Lord Jesus, go before me. I have to figure this out. For me. For my family. For Ella.
I would like to ask that you say a prayer for 4 special people tonight. Our friend Kellan had her scans today, our friend Connor passed away this weekend, my dear friend Jamison lost her father to cancer last night and this month marks the anniversary of Justin's death. My chest becomes so heavy as I think about the depth of sorrow each of these families are feeling right now. I know your prayers will be felt.