Back to Normal

We are slowly trying to get our life back to normal.  It's been a hard, hard week.  I have cried more this week than I have since this time last year.  Not only did my grandfather pass away this week, but it was the one year anniversary of the time we came very close to saying goodbye to Lucy forever.  There were times this week that I couldn't even breathe I was so upset.

Three days before my Paw Paw went to be with Jesus, I began having anxiety attacks all throughout the day.  It was worse than I had ever experienced.  The day before he passed away I was in a total anxiety attack mode.  I was so sick I couldn't sleep and had nightmares worse than I ever could fathom.  I dreamed vivid dreams that every one of my children, my husband and my mother all died right before my eyes and I couldn't anything to save them.  Oh, it was awful.  I am writing about this not for sympathy, but rather to remember this journey along this road of suffering and learning to let go of my need for constant control.

My grandfather was an amazing man.  He was a visionary--a man with a passion for Christ.  Our church and community has been forever changed because of him and he will be greatly missed by countless people.  We had a beautiful funeral ceremony and truly praised God for the life with which he was blessed.  We still mourn the loss of his presence on Earth but have no doubts that we will be reunited with him one day soon.  If the Lord is merciful, it will be soon for all of us.

My life was put on hold for the past week and I'm drowning in laundry and to-do lists.  I'm slowly getting caught up and things are coming back to order around here.  We start VBS this week at our church and I'm excited to be teaching again this year.  My mom and I have been partners in crime for several years, but I've been out of the game for the past two years.  I love VBS and the fun week we have.  Jack's pretty excited too.

Here are some pictures from today.  It was so nice setting aside our cares for a few moments at least.  My grandmother even joined us by the pool for an afternoon in our beautiful June weather.

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