Unexpected Emotions

My internet is still down so I'm blogging from my phone again. One week and counting waiting on our new provider to come and do the installation. This whole process is really testing my
patience. One positive of me not having internet would be that my house is now very clean and very organized. Lots of bags have been taken to Goodwill!  

This week marked the 3rd anniversary of Lucy's cancer diagnosis. I have to say that we handled it pretty well..that is until last night. Erik is serving on the newly created Associate Board for LeBonheur Hospital, which held a function for the Board and it's guests. 

The Hospital does a 101 Tour that lasts for about 4 hours but last night we just did the 1 hour tour. We were taking one 4 different floors of the hospital and shown all the ins and outs. I felt like I had a leg up in everyone in attendance, seeing as we have known these areas so intimately in the past. 

We got to the MRI surgery room and I never expected to experience the feelings I did. The MRI Operative Suite is a surgery suite where they can use the MRI while performing the actual surgery. The benefit is that surgeons can tell if they left any tumor behind before they close up a patient. Before there was a chance of multiple surgeries within days. 

Lucy was the 3rd child ever to be operated on this revolutionary piece of
equipment at LeBonheur. 

As I walked in the room I felt this overwhelming need to vomit. Then I wanted to cry. Then I wanted to see it. I wanted to see where my baby layed for 9 hours. I wanted to see where she was cut open from her waist to the top of her head and where she received the scars that haunt me every day. 

Mainly, I just needed to know where the host of angels and the God of all creation protected my child while Dr. Boop, Dr. Chaudry and their amazing team of doctors and nurses fought to give Lucy her life back. 

It was like walking on holy ground. I needed to take my shoes off and stand in reverence. Again, I was not anticipating the emotions that came that night. 

As I think back on the past three years and how they have changed all
of our lives my mind and heart are a whirlwind of emotions. Good, bad, angry, glad. They are all there. I live them every single day. In the end, though, I have Lucy. I have my baby girl. And that's all that matters. 

Lucy's 8th birthday is March 6th. We plan on celebrating big!  But as life has it, three days after her birthday Erik and I will be back in full anxiety mode. Please be in prayer for her and our family as we prepare for another set of scans (March 10th.).