A Farewell to Sunny


Today I had to have Lucy's cat put to sleep.  It was one of the hardest things I've done.  Sunny, Lucy's cat of 18 months, was attacked by another cat and developed a really bad infection.  By the time we got him to the vet he was running a 106.1 temperature and was too far gone.  I know I made the merciful decision to put him down but it was agonizing none the less.  I was shaken.  

The cat had a sustained high fever, was starting to have seizures and had probably already suffered brain damage.  It all just hit too close to home.  Through this cat I was relieving the darkest, most painful time of Lucy's whole battle against cancer.  At one point in my life I was willing to let Lucy go.  I only wanted her suffering to stop.  

I spoke those words again today.  But this time it was for real.  There was no Lazarus moment.  Emotions from a depth I haven't visited in a long time resurfaced and I was forced to deal with them in a 10x10 clinic office.  

Some days are hard still.  Really, really hard.